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When I was younger I had a strained relationship with my mum and at the age of 9 I moved in with my Dad and step mum. Whilst growing up I was bullied a lot, it was hard times but I suppose we all suffer some sort of bullying I can’t blame all my problems on that. My mum was in and out of my life, for me it was an emotional rollercoaster I didn’t understand some of the choices she made, and I felt abandoned and not good enough. When our relationship broke down completely I was very angry and although my step mum (who I call mum) and Dad tried to get me my on track I felt like I was so angry all the time I just wouldn’t listen.  

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This is when I turned to drugs and alcohol I had a big problem with substance abuse. It got so bad that at the age of 17 I was stealing money and items I could sell off friends and family. I stole £20 off a woman who was actually really good to me, looking back I am so ashamed of how low I stooped, but drugs mattered more than my morals, someone seen me take the money so I couldn’t do what I usually resorted to and deny it, I was threatened with violence and I didn’t want to go out of the house as I was paranoid about repercussions of my actions. Three boys did catch up with me eventually and I was beaten severely, I managed to run away I could hear them shouting “we are going to kill you” My Dad  was worried about my safety and sent me to say with family in England hoping if I got out the area I could have a fresh start.

Things started off well, I met a girl in England and I went to college and, but like most of the relationships in my life that one also broke down, I felt that I wasn’t good enough and through my own actions I couldn’t have what everyone else had, a happy family life, trust and love, it made me angry and I would self-destruct, again I turned to drugs to combat these feelings, it took my mind off my real problems and helped block things out. The final straw came when I stole something off my family who had taken me in. I was sent back to Scotland as they couldn’t cope with my behaviour and lack of respect either. My Dad and Step mum where so disappointed they tried to let me stand on my own two feet and told me that if I wanted to take drugs I wouldn’t be welcome in their home. I was homeless for the first time and to be honest I didn’t care. I was happy to carry on abusing drugs and not have someone looking out for me reminding me what I was doing was wrong. 

At the hostel I walked in and I thought what am I doing here? How have I came from a nice family home to living with heroin addicts, l became accustomed to my surroundings and forged some relationships with other people living there, I was still using drugs but I never touched heroin, I was now seeing first-hand the effects it had on a person and I wouldn’t go there. My cocaine habit was out of control though and in order to pay for it, I started selling heroin. The advice given to a drug dealer is only sell the drugs you don’t use so you don’t use your profit, I used to walk around Glasgow city centre with bags of heroin in my mouth and approach people and ask them if they wanted to buy it, looking back now it was a really low point in my life and I could never imagine myself doing that, but I did. I had to leave the hostel because my anger issues where still alive and well, and when I found a heroin addict injecting in my room I saw red and attacked the man.  I was easy to anger, selfish and a drug addict I thought could things get any worse?

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Then came the incident that changed everything, at 21 I was again in another relationship, I had stopped using cocaine but was now spending most of the money I earned whist working on cannabis. One night my girlfriends sister tried to stop a fight and was attacked, then a man then joined in and that is when I stepped in and became involved.  I will always regret how far things went that night, but when the man tried to come at me with a bar I saw red and kicked him to the ground he was an older man and I just lashed out and started hitting him, I felt like I couldn’t stop, he kept trying to attack me I remember saying just stay down and then the rest is a blur, I just felt the rage and blanked out. I think this was my breaking point.   The police got involved as the man ended up in hospital (what was wrong with man?)  And I found out i was getting charged with a serious assault. I was worried because not only did I regret what had happened I knew that the consequences would be severe, I wasn’t getting community service.

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I got 4 and a half months in jail. I was shocked and I remember being in the van going to prison thinking how did it get to this. Being locked behind a door isn’t pleasant, it also gives you too much time to think and without the use of drugs I was forced to reflect on my life, I didn’t want to live like this. I was engaged now and wanted to get married and have a future. I knew what I had done was wrong, on so many levels the fight that landed me in prison was the tip of the ice Berge,  I regretted my lack of education  and not going to school when I should of, I could of done so much more with my life, was this the way my life would be? Drugs, homelessness, stealing and fighting then prison.  Something had o change. I started by working on my maths and English whilst in prison and I also agreed to see an anger management councillor, I had to take the course twice as first time wasn’t ready to talk honestly and I was still making excuses for my behaviour , I knew I had to be honest and get to the root of my problems.

When I left prison my relationship broke down, I was devastated but this time I didn’t turn to substances I turned to SAMH. (Scottish association for mental health) They helped me so much and put me on the right path. First of all they helped me find supported accommodation where I learned to budget money and pay bills, to live without drugs and focus on my future,  I had a councillor( how often did you see her)  who I would see regarding my anger management, we would talk for an hour then I would get massage therapy to help ease the tension that came with speaking about my issues.  I was ready to change and ready to accept help. I was encouraged to look for work and my councillor put me in touch with Violence Reduction Unit, a place that helped past offenders change their life’s, I stopped smoking, drinking and using drugs, I was the fittest I had been in years and I would need to be as I took part in a upcycle to raise awareness (what was the upcycle for)  We cycled form Glasgow to Frazer burgh. Breaking the chain of violence. It was covered by the STV News, it felt good to have my friends and family saying they were proud of me. I then went on the following year to be a team leader and helping other people who were past offenders looking to change, we volunteered in Edinburgh  at The Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo it was a fantastic experience and it felt good being a role  model to other young men showing them that change was possible.

 I now work for the Violence Reduction Unit full time and I have helped put on many successful events, such as fashion shows, strictly come dancing nights  and other themed fundraising nights to help raise awareness of domestic abuse in Scotland.

I am so glad that SAMH where there for me when I needed them the most. I am 25 now and I have my own house and feel the happiest I have in years. I am not in a relationship but I have a good relationship at last with myself and that’s the most important thing for me right now. I am proud of the person I have became rather than feeling ashamed like I did in the past.  With help from SAMH  I now live a healthy happy life, when Hayley approached me and asked if I would share my story I knew I had to because I want other people to know, that you can change your life around, it’s not too late to get to where you want to be.  Please donate to help these charities continue to help put people’s life’s on the right track.

#act2react.